What is Dating Violence?
- Dating violence is any sexual, physical or psychological attack
on one partner by the other in a dating relationship.
- All forms of abuse are harmful and should be taken seriously.
- Dating violence is more likely to happen when the aggressor has been drinking or taking drugs.
Sexual abuse includes unwanted sexual touching, using force or pressure to
get a partner to consent to sexual activity, rape, attempted rape, and attempting
or having sexual intercourse with a person who is under the influence of alcohol or
drugs. These kinds of abuse are more often directed at women.
Physical abuse includes shoving, slapping, choking, punching, kicking, biting,
burning, hair pulling, using a weapon, threatening someone with a weapon, or
forcibly confining someone. Typically, men use physical force to assert control while women use it to protect
themselves, to retaliate or because they fear that their partner is about to
assault them.
Emotional abuse like sexual and physical abuse, varies in its intensity and
consequences. It includes behaviour such as insulting or swearing at a partner,
belittling them, threatening or terrorizing them, destroying their property
or possessions, isolating them from friends and relatives, and treating them
with irrational possessiveness or extreme jealousy. Both men and women use emotional
abuse as a way to control their partners.
Reference: Health Canada - Dating violence
Who is Involved?
Between 16% and 35% of women have experienced dating violence at least once.
Reference: Health Canada - Dating Violence
Staying Safe
The following are general warning signs of the potential for sexual or physical
violence in dating relationships. Each warning sign is accompanied by facts
or approaches that may help you reduce your risk of being victimized. This information
may also help you to offer better support to women who are assaulted.
Warning Sign - Your partner makes threats of
violence.
Reducing the Risk - Any threat should be taken
seriously. Get help immediately when a partner threatens to use violence, it
is not a joke or a game. Men who threaten will generally carry out their threats.
Warning Sign - Your partner is obsessed with
dominating and controlling you.
Reducing the Risk - Exploring your partner's
attitude to women is probably a useful technique for reducing risk. Knowing
how he feels about issues like equality between partners or compromise in decision
making is important. Look for early signs that he has to "have it all his own
way".
Warning Sign - Your partner is sexually possessive
and often degrades or humiliates you.
Reducing the Risk - Possessiveness should be
addressed directly. You have to tell your partner that it will not be tolerated.
Whether you are dating someone or not, you have the right to do what you want
with your body. If he objects, he can always leave the relationship.
Warning Sign - You know your dating partner
abused a former girlfriend. His father is physically abusive and your partner accepts
or defends the use of violence.
Reducing the Risk - Dating abuse is often part
of a continuing pattern of behaviour. If your partner was abusive in a previous
relationship, then the risk is very high that he will be abusive in this relationship.
Getting Help
If you are being abused, get out and get help. Informed counselors can help
you deal with the emotional and physical consequences of the abuse. If you want to stay and work it out, insist that he do
more than just apologize. He needs to get counseling. Violent men do not just
stop, the first blow is never the last.
If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, listen and be supportive.
Reference: Health Canada - Dating Violence
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